i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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