five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
time to smoke my breakfast
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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