do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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