so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
