This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
