if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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