I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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