Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
