do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize