Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize