The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
