Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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