i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
