i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Mom said you looked used
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
