Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
