so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
