Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize