3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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