guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
