when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
