i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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