Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
