Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
