well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
