i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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