please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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