I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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