also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
