Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
