I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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