I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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