I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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