i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
