the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
