take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
