SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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