let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
