ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
