I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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