WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
