Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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