oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
