There was a lot of him and a little penis
no you cant smoke seaweed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize