I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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