the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
