i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
