I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
