Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
