There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
