I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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