the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
