So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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