For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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