Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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