He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
