i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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