I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
