you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
