He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
