That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
