i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
