i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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