And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
