Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
