I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize