Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
