4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize