At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We had sex on a dog bed..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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