girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
