There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
