You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
