Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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